Health and Lifestyle – Kanisha's Classroom

OH MARY, DID YOU WEEP?: Holding Space for Those Who Are Grieving During The Christmas Season

by Kanisha L. Adkins

MARY DON’T YOU WEEP. That’s the title of a gospel song made popular by the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin. My title, however, isn’t Mary DON’T you weep. It’s Mary DID you weep. And it’s based on Luke 1:27 – 56. It’s the story of a young girl, maybe 12 or 13 years old, whose parents have entered into a contract with another family. Their daughter will be given to the other family’s son. The daughter is Mary. The son is Joseph. Mary will be his wife. The contract is final. For all intents and purposes, the couple is married. It’s a done deal. Joseph’s family will pay Mary’s family and Mary will go live with her new husband. But for right now she still lives with her family.

She’s been a “good girl”. She’s done everything she was supposed to do and she hasn’t done anything she wasn’t supposed to do. And then it happens. She gets a divine message that, in spite of the fact that she has never had sex, she’s going to get pregnant, have a son who will be the son of God and a great king. And to top it off, Mary is supposed to be happy about this. That’s what we’ve been taught. That’s what the text suggests. Of all the women in the world, God chose Mary. She’s blessed and highly favored. She should be over-the-moon happy.

But let’s slow down. And before we rush off to happily ever after, let’s give Mary a moment. Oh Mary, DID you weep? She’s been promised in marriage to a man (more likely, an older boy, about 19 or 20 years old) who she has probably seen but doesn’t know very well. She’s treated like a piece of property. The parents make a deal (more likely, the fathers make a deal). She’ll leave her family to go live with this little-known of boy and his little-known of family. Oh Mary, DID you weep?

She doesn’t really have a vote in this pregnancy process. It’s GOING to happen. (In spite of what folk like to say about freewill and God allowing us to choose to have a relationship with the Creator, there are times when God doesn’t ask our permission or our opinion.) Oh Mary, DID you weep?

When she tells her family about the pregnancy, they may disown her. Joseph may refuse to take her as his wife. Everyone would think that she has committed adultery. Adultery wasn’t simply a sin. It was a crime! Would she be convicted and punished for breaking the law? Would her punishment be death? Oh Mary, DID you weep?

When she heard that her elder-cousin Elizabeth was pregnant, was she shocked? Elizabeth was an “old lady”! She and her husband didn’t have children. And now, after all these years, they were finally going to have a child. Did Mary wonder whether it was a miracle? Did she wonder if God had done the same thing to Elizabeth that was being done to her? Was it a blessing? Was it a miracle? Was Elizabeth favored by God? She should be happy for Elizabeth – but how could she? Their situations were completely different. Oh Mary, DID you weep?

Did she welcome this divine assignment when she told the angel, “I am the Lord’s servant. Let it be with me just as you have said”? Or was she simply resigning herself to the inevitability that it was going to happen? Oh Mary, DID you weep?

When Mary saw Elizabeth, in her old age – pregnant – just like the angel had told her, when she heard Elizabeth, her wise, elder- cousin, shout praises to God for blessing Mary to be the mother of the son of God and praises to Mary for honoring her with a visit, Mary sang a happy song. Finally, she shouted, “Glory to God from the depths of my soul.” She was able to call blessed what God called blessed: both herself and the child she would carry and birth. The situation hadn’t changed. But finally, after processing the situation with the angel, with Elizabeth and with herself, she was able to laugh and smile and sing. But before she celebrated, we must seriously ask the question Oh Mary, DID you weep?

And we must seriously entertain the reality that Mary DID weep. Why? Because during this advent season, as the Church commemorates and celebrates the foretelling, expectancy and birth of the Christ, there are many people who are hurting. They are believers and Christ has come, is come and will come for them too. They are walking in the Advent season. But their worlds have been turned upside down. Jobs have been taken, loved ones have died, illness has been pronounced, bank accounts have been closed, businesses have gone bankrupt, evictions have been served and so much more. The heaviness of the holidays is settling in on them. And while some people are happy and excited and singing happy songs, others are weeping.

Let Them Weep! God will send divine messengers (it may be you – it may NOT be you) to remind them that buried under the burden of the turmoil, there is a hidden blessing. It may take some time to find the blessing but it’s there. And they will find it. But first, they must weep. So, let them! Give them love and space. And trust God to help them find their way, in their time, to that place of celebration.

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Depression During The Holidays, Part One: When Christmas Isn’t So Merry

Just 80 more days ‘til Christmas. That may seem like a lot of time. But for many, those days are already being filled with plans. Plans for who will host dinner and who will be invited to dinner, what’s on the menu, who will cook what, what presents to buy for the gift exchange at work, what to wear to the office party, whether to buy a new outfit, whether to shop online for clothes, toys and other gifts or go to brick and mortar stores, whether to drive or fly to grandma’s and pa-pa’s house… Employers and employees are already thinking about closing out the year’s business and taking vacation days during the holiday. Parents who can’t take vacation are already thinking about childcare for their minor children while schools are closed.

Pastors and preachers are already thinking about the sermonic messages they will preach on the Sunday before Christmas (even though they still have at least 10 sermons to preach before that day). Choirs are busy rehearsing Christmas Cantatas and Handel’s Messiah. Sunday schools and children’s church are busy rehearsing plays. Club owners, party throwers and party goers have already started placing their orders and stocking up on “adult beverages” to get the party started right.

80 days won’t last long, especially since every-day-life-as-usual has to be lived, even while getting ready for those few days at the end of December. It’s enough to drive a sane person crazy. And while most people won’t actually go crazy, more than likely, as a result of the anticipation of the busy-ness of the holiday season, what will happen, and may have already started to happen, is that many people will experience a sadness that goes beyond just feeling down. Many people, even people of faith, will experience depression during this season of joy, making Christmas not so merry. The first step in addressing the “holiday blues” (which some people have already begun to experience) is to educate yourself on what depression is, what causes it, and how to recognize it.

What is depression?

Depression is a serious mental AND medical illness that negatively affects how we feel, the way we think and how we act. It may start suddenly or build up over a period of weeks, months, or years. Who gets depressed? Many, many people. Men, women and children of all races, colors, ethnicities, sexual orientations and religions. What causes depression? Biological factors: Chemical imbalances in the brain and biological vulnerability. Psychological factors: Mental or thought processes meaning how we think about things; Psychological tendencies such as low self-esteem and pessimism. Social and environmental factors: Academic demands; balancing school, work, family and social life; Financial responsibilities or worries; Social isolation; Major loss such as the loss of a loved one including a family pet or loss of income; Chronic illness such as asthma, cancer, diabetes or addiction; Work stress; Family crisis and concerns; Unwelcome and welcome life changes; Alcohol and drug use, including both legal and illegal.

What are some symptoms of depression?

There are different forms of depression with different combinations of the following symptoms. Physical: Sleep disturbances-insomnia, oversleeping, waking much earlier than usual; Changes in appetite or eating much more or much less; Decreased energy or fatigue; Headaches, stomach aches, digestive problems or other physical symptoms that are not explained by other physical conditions or do not respond to treatment. Behavioral/Attitude: Loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed, such as going out with friends, hobbies, sports, sex, food, etc.; Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions; Neglecting responsibilities or personal appearance. Emotional: Persistent sad or “empty” mood, lasting two or more weeks; Crying “for no reason”; Feeling hopeless, helpless, guilty or worthless; Feeling irritable, agitated or anxious; Thoughts of death or suicide.

People of faith, regardless of religious affiliation or denomination, are just as susceptible to becoming depressed as non-believers and those who do not ascribe to any religion. In fact, people of faith, particularly Christians, may be more prone to experiencing depression because this is supposed to be a season of joy: Christ has come, is come and will come! For what reason could Christians and other followers of God possibly be sad, you ask? For all the same reasons as those who don’t believe. LIFE!

Consider Elijah, that prophet and mighty man of God, who called down fire on Mount Carmel. After that mighty act of faith and God honoring his prayer, just days later these are the words that came from Elijah’s lips: ““I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under a bush and fell asleep.” (I Kings 19:4-5) Elijah was experiencing depression: feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness and thoughts of and wanting to die. Elijah was depressed! But the good news is that help was available.

“All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights…” (I Kings 19:5-8)

If you are experiencing depression, these verses offer suggestions on a few of the ways to treat those feelings. What is the treatment for depression? For starters, SELF-CARE including: Healthy eating; exercise; sleep; rest; and relaxation.

Pay attention to and honor your feelings. Sad feelings can be a signal that something is wrong. Remember that feelings are a gift from God, even feelings of sadness. Feelings should always draw us closer to God, the giver of every good and perfect gift. (James 1:17) And so above all, when feelings of sadness turn to depression, remember to make prayer and meditation a key component of your self-help.

Next Week: Depression During The Holidays, Part Two: Use Your Words

Learning the Language of Depression and More Helpful Solutions

Originally written and posted: October 5, 2015

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P.O. Box 28483 Henrico, VA 23228 – phone 202-854-1963 – email: info@kanishaladkins.com

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HELP! THERE’S A JUDAS ON MY JOB!

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THE DOORS OF THE CHURCH…ARE CLOSED??

Let’s just jump right in. Many people reading this blog are tired of or know someone who is tired of church! This is not to be confused with being tired of God. God and church are two different things. People love God. In fact, if it wasn’t for their love of God, they would have given up on “church” a long time ago. Still, they’re tired of church. And this is not to be confused with The Church: that invisible and universal, timeless and eternal “body of Christ”, group of believers who have professed Christ as God’s son and their Savior and Lord. People are not tired of The Church with a big C, they’re tired of church with a little c.

I’m not making this up. And I’m not speaking solely out of my own personal frustrations. I have hard facts, first-hand knowledge, that people are tired of church. These hard facts are conversations with people who have said point blank, “I’m tired of church” or “I’m all churched out!”

You need more facts? Here they are: Look around your church over the course of the next month or so and you’ll notice some people are missing. The Baby Boomers (ages 51 to 69, give or take a year or two) and Generation X (ages 35 to 50, give or take a year or two) who have been raised in the church, who have been faithful in talent, time and tithe are taking sabbaticals from being overworked, uninspired and unmotivated (not to mention being under and unappreciated). These long time church members who usually show up every time the doors of the church open are going on hiatus from that Sunday morning same old, same old. They’re finding reasons and excuses to not show up on Sunday morning.

These Old Faithfuls, as I’ll call them, have grown tired of routine and scripted Sunday morning worship and weekly activities and they’re slowing stepping away. Sometimes it’s not apparent because they’re still showing up but just not as frequently as before. They’re still showing up, but they’re not as active or as vocal as before. And little by little, one service at a time, one hymn at a time, one collection plate at a time, “Old Faithful” is inching towards the door and they’re just one pew away from being one of The Dones.

The Dones is a phrase coined by the research of Josh Packard, a sociologist at the University of Northern Colorado. The Dones are those people who are done with church. The Dones have not (I repeat, HAVE NOT) abandoned their faith, or their belief in God or God’s son, Jesus, but they’re ‘done’ with church as usual. The Dones may attend a service every now and then. After all, community and connection are still important to them. But don’t look for them every week singing a rousing chorus of “give me that old time religion.” It may have been good for their dear mother or father, and it may have been good for the Hebrew children, and Paul and Silas, but don’t get it twisted…it’s NOT good enough for The Dones. They’re done with that!

And as Old Faithful inches closer and closer to becoming part of The Dones and giving less and less time inside the four walls of the church, along with Old Faithful goes a big portion of the church’s talent and tithe because Millennials (ages 18 to 34, give or take a year or two) aren’t waiting in line to be pew members. They aren’t interested in being “seat-fillers”, like people who are hired to attend television, theatre and movie award shows so that the house looks packed. Millennials (and those whom I’ll call millennial-minded) want to be involved and active. They love good music, preaching and teaching but they’d rather spend half of the day doing service and outreach projects and not half of the day being benchwarmers. To borrow from the words of Thom Schultz of the Group Publishing and Lifetree Café, like The Dones, The Millennials don’t want to “plop, pray and pay. They want to play. They want to participate.”

And then there is Generation Z also known as “Generation V” (for virtual), the “Internet Generation”, or the “Google Generation”. These are the ‘tweens and teens who are still dependent on adults to provide for their every need. These are the children who often sit through church services and activities that are geared towards adults and they either end up falling asleep or playing with electronic games. And before the Google Generation becomes part of the Millennials and they decide that it’s more beneficial to get a job and work rather than worship on Sundays, church as usual has got to change.

Corporate worship is important and I (for the most part) enjoy it. But attending church services and activities shouldn’t be the highlight of our existence as Christians. And attending church services and activities shouldn’t be the requirement that people have to meet in order to prove that they are “living right”.

Years ago a friend of mine asked the question: “why are we [the same people who’ve been coming to bible study for 20 years] still coming to bible study and still talking about the same thing? At some point we should be going out and putting into action what we’ve learned!” I think she has a valid point. Church should be a place where we enter to worship and depart to serve.

The gospel writer Matthew said that after Jesus’ death and resurrection, the disciples went to Galilee, just as Jesus had instructed them. And “when they saw him, they worshiped him;… Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matt. 28:17-20)

This is the Great Commission! It’s short and it’s sweet. It tells us that when people see Jesus, they will worship! And after we have worshiped, we are instructed to GO! GO into the world! GO and baptize in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit! GO and teach people everything that Jesus taught.

The world has changed! And yet, some of our churches are doing the same things they’ve done for the last 20, 50, 75 and even 100 years. We can no longer continue to do church as usual. We can’t afford it! It’s time for us to stop doing church and it’s time for us to start being the CHURCH! Worship extends beyond the one, two or three hours that we spend in church on the Sabbath. In fact, the magnitude, the demonstration and the evidence of our worship should be what we do after the benediction…on our jobs, in our homes, in our communities. Instead of putting so much emphasis on “coming to church”, perhaps it’s time for us to give the benediction, close the doors of the church and GO!

…And by the way…relax…Jesus promised that He’d be with us.

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Sources: *https://baptistnews.com/culture/item/29535-new-term-recognizes-christians-who-are-simply-done-with-church

**http://www.churchleaders.com/outreach-missions/outreach-missions-articles/177144-thom-schultz-rise-of-the-done-with-church-population.html

No written portion of this article may be used without obtaining written permission from the author.

P.O. Box 28483 Henrico, VA 23228 – phone 202-854-1963 – email: info@kanishaladkins.com

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DO WE WANT SYMBOLS OR DO WE WANT A SAVIOR?

In late October 2015, Starbucks rolled out its annual “holiday” cup…a vibrant red cup to hold all of the short, tall, grande and venti hot beverages our hearts desire, our pockets can afford and our bellies can hold. Who would have thought a simple red cup would set off such a fire storm? But that’s exactly what happened when former television and radio evangelist, Joshua Feuerstein of Arizona, criticized Starbucks for removing “Christmas from their cups because they hate Jesus.” Feuerstein’s complaint is that there is no design on the cup to indicate that it is a “Christmas” cup AND that the lack of a “Christmas” design means that the Starbuck’s corporation hates Jesus. A Starbuck’s spokesperson responded to Feuerstein’s complaint, saying that Starbucks tries “to create a culture of belonging, inclusion and diversity” and that the blank red cup “is to allow and encourage customers to tell their Christmas stories in their own way.”

It’s interesting that Feuerstein and those who support his cause object to a blank red cup as a sign of hatred of Jesus. But when it comes to the images Starbucks has used over the last several years on its cups during this season, not a peep was heard from Feuerstein and his supporters, alleging that those symbols were signs that Starbucks hated Jesus.

In 2014, Starbucks’ cups were all red but they used different shades of red to illustrate snowflakes and trees. In 2013, the cups were red and gold with a hint of white and included Christmas tree ornaments, snowflakes and stars. In 2012, “a winking snowman” was Starbucks’ choice for its holiday cup. In 2011, characters playing winter sports graced the cups. In 2010, the cups had characters singing carols with messages written on them, like “stories are gifts.” In 2009, the images on the cups were Christmas tree ornaments that contained messages like, “I wish every day was a holiday.” And in 2008, snowflakes and turtledoves decorated the cups.

Joshua Feuerstein and his supporters, object to a blank red cup as being “anti-Jesus” but no one said a mumbling word about snowmen, ornamented trees, caroling and snowflakes! What do snowflakes and winking snowmen have to do with Jesus?! What do any of the symbols that have come to be associated with this season have to do with Jesus?! Not a blessed thing!!

So how did these symbols become intertwined and mixed in with the birth of Jesus? Well, the story goes something like this:

*Roman pagans introduced the holiday of Saturnalia to the Christian church. Saturnalia, an ancient Roman festival in honor of the Roman god Saturn, was a week long period of lawlessness and depravity celebrated from December 17th through 25th. During this time the poorest and most despised citizens were forced to give gifts to the emperor. The story goes on to say that in the 4^th century, leaders in the church succeeded in converting to Christianity large numbers of these Roman pagans by promising them that they could continue to celebrate Saturnalia as Christians. There was nothing about Saturnalia that was even remotely related to Christianity before the church designated the end of the festival, December 25^th, as the birth of Jesus. The “pagan” Christians were allowed to continue their pagan practices and partying and giving gifts to one another was incorporated into the celebration of Jesus’s birth.

The Christmas tree became a part of the celebration of Jesus’ birth when the church was trying to recruit and convert pagans from the Asheira cult. The Ahseira cult worshiped trees in the forest and also brought them into their homes for worship. In order to persuade the Asheira cult to become part of the church, they were allowed to continue worshiping trees.*

Christians are supposed to be celebrating the birth of the Savior of the world. But instead, too many of us have forgotten about Jesus and instead, we have chosen to focus on a season of symbols… ornamented trees, decorated snowmen, colorful, flashing lights and gifts to everyone except the “birthday boy” – Jesus. None of these symbols has any connection to Jesus or his birth.

Do we need to get rid of these symbols? I think the answer is a personal one. Like many people, I love the colors of red, green, and gold during this season. I think it’s pretty! I enjoy the “old school” music of the season, like the Temptations’ “Give Love On Christmas Day”, The Jackson Five’s “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” and Karen Carpenter’s “Merry Christmas Darling”. Putting up a tree and decorations have not been a priority for me in recent years but that has more to do with the task of taking them down and putting them away. The “little ones” in my family have grown up and we are waiting for the next generation of children. So exchanging gifts is not a big priority for us. But that doesn’t mean we don’t do it.

Like most people and most Christians, I do a lot of symbolic things during this season out of habit. But now that I know the origins of many of these symbols, I am not sure that I can or want to continue to use them. As much as I enjoy receiving and giving gifts, I have to remind myself that this is the time of year that the Christian church has adopted to recognize the birth of the Savior. I have to remind myself that Jesus is the reason for the season.

Could it be that Starbucks is pointing us, (Christians, that is,) in the right direction, by getting rid of the symbols of this season with a simple red cup? Could it be that removing the symbols from the cup serves as a reminder to Christians to get personally and intimately involved in the “holiness” of this day that we are supposed to be celebrating? What would our celebration look like if we didn’t have the symbols of this season to distract us from the Savior of the Season?

The symbols of this season – snowmen, decorations, lights and jingle bells — make us smile for a moment. But after the season is over and the symbols have been put in the attic, many people are drained — mind, body, soul and pocketbook. Thirty-something years after his birth, Jesus reminded his disciples and through the biblical text he reminds us today, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10, New International Version).

Do we want empty pockets or a full life? Do we want social gatherings or meaningful relationships? One last question, for Feuerstein and all of us– Do we want symbols or do we want a Savior?

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*Multiple internet sources were used for information on the origins of Christmas symbols.

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P.O. Box 28483 Henrico, VA 23228 – phone 202-854-1963 – email: info@kanishaladkins.com

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Depression During The Holidays Part Three: IT’S A MAN THING!

Women have been accused of being emotional. And at one point in the history of humanity, women were even referred to as ‘the weaker sex’. If either of these statements were true, then that would mean that men are not emotional and that they are ‘the stronger sex.’ Fortunately, most informed people know that these statements are not truth. Instead, the truth is that women are not more emotional or frail than men. God didn’t make one set of emotions for women and another set for men. Women and men share the same emotions. The difference is in how women and men display their emotions. Women are welcome to show their emotions and express their feelings. But our societies and cultures have conditioned us to believe that men are not supposed to show emotion or express feelings. Men have been taught to be the ‘strong, silent type’. But this silence, when it comes to feelings, is anything but a sign of strength. And when it comes to depression, men have been silent for too long.

Depression can strike anyone regardless of age, color, race, profession, job or gender. And even though depression has an anti-discrimination policy, more women than men are diagnosed each year. But mental health professionals are not quite sure whether depression truly is less common among men, or whether men are just less likely than women to be aware of, acknowledge and ask for help.

Proverbs 18:14 (NIV) says, “A man’s spirit can sustain him during his illness, but who can bear a crushed spirit?” Think about it! During those times when we are physically tired or sick, as long as our emotions are in good working order, we can psyche ourselves up to keep going physically…to take another step…to work another hour. But when we are sad, down in the dumps or overwhelmed, we find it difficult to motivate ourselves to do even the smallest physical task. Men in particular may not recognize this “crushed spirit” as depression, especially when the symptoms of depression are physical.

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) has conducted research on depression awareness and has discovered that many men are unaware that physical symptoms such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain can be associated with depression. Rather than saying they ‘feel sad’, men are more likely to say they feel fatigued, irritable, have lost interest in hobbies or are having problems with sleeping through the night. Men’s depression is often masked or ‘covered up’ by their use of alcohol or other drugs, and can even be covered up by the socially acceptable habit of working excessively long hours. Even if a man realizes he is depressed, he may be less likely to seek help because of concerns about how it might have a negative impact on his job, specifically with regard to job security, potential for promotion and even health insurance benefits. Men may also be hesitant to acknowledge depression because they fear family and friends will lose respect for them and label them as weak. https://uhs.berkeley.edu/home/healthtopics/depression.shtml

Encouragement and support from concerned family members and friends can make a world of difference for men who are or think they may be experiencing depression. Significant others play an important role in helping men recognize their symptoms and getting treatment. And the community of faith can help by doing as we have been instructed to do in Galatians 6:2 (NIV), “Carry each others burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

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Depression During The Holidays Part Two: Learn the Language of Depression and Use Your Words

The Advent/Christmas season is one of my favorite times of the year. I love Christmas music, feel-good Christmas T.V. movies, decorations, especially the Tacky Lights Tours where I live and spending time with family and friends. It would be great to think that everyone looks forward to celebrating Christmas, Advent, Hanukkah, the Holiday Season, or whatever season you celebrate during the months of December and January. It would be great to think this, but this isn’t the case. Many people are experiencing hard financial times, some people are grieving the loss of loved ones, and some people are just overwhelmed by how commercial the season has become. Whatever the reason is that people find themselves dreading this time of year, the truth is that a lot of people are just not “feeling” the holidays and they are having a hard time finding just the right words to express those feelings.

Often, when we’re asked how we feel, our vocabulary is limited to a handful of words and expressions: fine, good, happy, upset, sad, angry, so-so, fair to middlin’. But sometimes these words aren’t enough to express what we’re really experiencing on the inside of our minds and our hearts. Finding the right words and using the rights words is important when it comes to being healthy. When we have a physical ailment, medical doctors ask us to describe what we’re feeling. Where does it hurt? What kind of pain is it? Is it a sharp, stabbing pain? Is it a dull ache? Is the pain isolated to one spot? Does the pain radiate into different parts of your body? Being able to name the pain is important. Mental pain is no less real than physical pain. Mental pain is no less significant than physical pain. And being able to describe that mental pain is an important part in the process of getting better.

The following is a list of descriptive words designed to help you better express how you feel on any given day. The words are divided into categories. Each category is headed by one of the usual words we often use to describe our feelings. Following the usual word are more descriptive, precise words that can be used, in addition to the usual word, to pinpoint exactly what you feel.

GOOD: Calm, peaceful, at ease, comfortable, please, encouraged, clever, surprised, content, quiet, certain, relaxed, serene, free and easy, bright, blessed, reassured.

HAPPY: Great, blessed, gay, joyous, lucky, fortunate, delighted, overjoyed, gleeful, thankful, important, festive, ecstatic, satisfied, glad cheerful, sunny, merry, elated, jubilant.

ALIVE: playful, courageous, energetic, liberated, optimistic, provocative, impulsive, free, frisky, animated, spirited, thrilled, wonderful.

OPEN: understanding, confident, reliable, easy, amazed, free sympathetic, interested, satisfied, receptive, accepting, kind.

LOVE: loving, considerate, affectionate, sensitive, tender, devoted, attracted, passionate, admiration, warm, touched, sympathy, close, loved, comforted, drawn toward.

INTERESTED: concerned, affected, fascinated, intrigued, absorbed, inquisitive, nosy, snoopy, engrossed, curious.

POSITIVE: eager, keen, earnest, intent, anxious, inspired, determined, excited, enthusiastic, bold, brave, daring, challenged, optimistic, re-enforced, confident, hopeful.

STRONG: impulsive, free, sure, certain, rebellious, unique, dynamic, tenacious, hardy, secure.

ANGRY: irritated, enraged, hostile, insulting, sore, annoyed, upset, hateful, unpleasant, offensive, bitter, aggressive, resentful, inflamed, provoked, incensed, infuriated, cross, worked up, boiling, fuming, indignant.

DEPRESSED: lousy, disappointed, discouraged, ashamed, powerless, diminished, guilty, dissatisfied, miserable, detestable, repugnant, despicable, disgusting, abominable, terrible, in despair, sulky, bad, a sense of loss.

CONFUSED: upset doubtful, uncertain, indecisive, perplexed, embarrassed, hesitant, shy, stupefied, disillusioned, unbelieving, skeptical, distrustful, misgiving, lost, unsure, uneasy, pessimistic, tense.

HELPLESS: incapable, alone, paralyzed, fatigued, useless, inferior, vulnerable, empty, forced, hesitant, despair, frustrated, distressed, woeful, pathetic, tragic, in a stew, dominated.

INDIFFERENT: insensitive, dull, nonchalant, neutral, reserved, weary, bored, preoccupied, cold, disinterested, lifeless.

AFRAID: fearful, terrified, suspicious, anxious, alarmed, panic, nervous, scared, worried, frightened, timid, shaky, restless, doubtful, threatened, cowardly, quaking, menaced, wary.

HURT: crushed, tormented, deprived, pained, tortured, dejected, rejected, injured, offended, afflicted, aching, victimized, heartbroken, agonized, appalled, humiliated, wronged, alienated.

SAD: tearful, sorrowful, pained, grief, anguish, desolate, desperate, pessimistic, unhappy, lonely, grieved, mournful, dismayed.

Luke 6:45 says, “…out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” Some people, particularly Christians, may think that it’s wrong to “confess” negative feelings. They believe that they are speaking negative things into existence. But the psalmist knew the value of expressing what he felt, even if it was perceived as negative. He said, “I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word. I gave an account of my ways and you answered me.” The psalmist confessed that he was feeling low, as low as dirt! And after he confessed just how low he was feeling, he made a wonderful discovery. God heard him and God answered him!

Consider this: if you’re already experiencing negative feelings, perhaps saying these feelings and getting them out in the open is necessary so that you can replace those negative feelings with positive feelings. Saying what you feel is not a sin. Confession is good for the soul. So go ahead, if you’re really not feeling the holiday season because you’re going through a hard time, say what you feel. Use your words.

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